I Think Somebody Better Put Out the Big Light @ Tuesday, Apr. 20, 2004

Sometime after nine my phone is going to ring and I feel rather indifferent about it.

I'm back in the eHarmony loop. First phone call from Andy (37, divorced, three kids, lives 25 miles from me) tonight and afternoon drinks on the patio at a local pub with David on Saturday. And then there's Scott. I sent him the first open communication e-mail this afternoon. I forget how old he is but his photo showed him at a Halloween party actually in costume and I liked that.

But, honestly, I have no interest in any of these men.

The first two write fabulous e-mails which hooks me everytime. Andy is a bit too pushy but I'm his first eHarmony girl so I have to forgive him a little bit. He looks like Ray Liotta but says that everyone tells him he looks like the first Superman. David is studying to be a social worker...that bothers me. It shouldn't because it's shallow but I want to be a stay at home mom some day and life with a husband who makes twenty thou a year won't let me do that. Am I a shallow, horrible person for feeling that way? I'm almost thirty - do I have a right to shun a man because he doesn't make a decent salary?

I'm going to go out on a limb and say yes.

Besides that, I'm not attracted to any of them, either. In fact, I'm not attracted to anyone right now (okay, well, I was attracted to Tim for a few minutes on Saturday and for a brief second today when I saw he was wearing his three piece suit).

But Big has been in my thoughts constantly today. For some odd reason.

I don't know if it's the pending somewhat early arrival of Aunt Flo that has me feeling this way or what. I've been so cranky and so unhappy for the past couple of weeks. Over drinks with a couple of the managers last week I actually voiced how unhappy I am living here in Columbus. It sucks. I miss my friends, I miss shopping on a Saturday afternoon with my mom....I miss the Dub Pub and a pint even. My job sucks because it's boring.

I'm cranky and in a rut but know that I'm the only one who can change that.

It still sucks, though.