Bad Blind Date #5 @ Sunday, Mar. 28, 2004

I am the official Bad Blind Date Queen.

Friday night I met Amber and her boyfriend at a friend's house where I got just tipsy enough playing Asshole to feel completely relaxed when I met John (the friend of a girl from work) around nine.

I should have stayed put.

I mean, I had fun but...well, here's a list:

1. He made fun of the waitress' ass. I believe he said that she beeps when she backs up. Yeah. Those were the words. And she was skinny - she just had a little bubble butt. And I'm no skinny chick so I kept wondering what he thought of me. Later he told me I was much better than he expected. Vicki had only told him that was funny and cute which he took to mean - a la When Harry Met Sally - I was really a dog.

2. Much later he made the First Date Faux Pas of saying he could really see himself dating me but if he did could I do him a favor?

3. The favor? Go back to being a brunette and grow out my hair. 'Just' to my shoulders. I immediately told him I grow my hair out for no man.

4. At one point, as he was stroking my arm, he complimented my soft skin. Lots of people have complimented me on this and I've never understood it. Who are these scaly women they've been touching? Anyway, when his fingers grazed my elbow he said, "You've got to do something about those elbows." My elbows are bit rough and you're complaining about it?

5. He's a horrible kisser. I mean, the worst I've ever kissed. Ever. It was like Fourth Grade Kissing. Little smooches and when he wanted to be a little more passionate he'd press his lips to mine for longer than a few seconds...that's it. Just a bunch of lip pressing. It was weird.

6. He tried to give me a hickey.

7. He talked about ex-girlfriends. A lot.

8. He talked about sex. A lot.

Nightmare. Could it be that he's an ass because he's shorter than me? I was wearing boots and stood almost an inch taller. I dated a guy - once - that we fondly call The Muppet. He was much shorter than me and made up for it by being a complete ass. I even threatened to call a cab at one point during the date. This guy was the same way. I don't get it at all.

And Vicki's going to ask me about him on Monday. He told me, jokingly, to tell her he was a complete dick. Well, if I did that I wouldn't really be joking.

And to top it all off, he asked The Question. "How could such a cute girl like you still be single?" Don't people realize that that's not exactly a compliment?!

I give up for awhile.