Bitter @ Tuesday, Feb. 10, 2004

I thought this test might make me feel better.

It didn't but my results were:

"The Peach

Random Gentle Love Master

"Playful, kind, and well-loved, you are The Peach.

"For such a warm-hearted, generous person, you're surprisingly experienced in both love and sex. We credit your spontaneous side; you tend to live in the moment, and you don't get bogged down by inhibitions like most women your age. If you see something wonderful, you confidently embrace it.

"Your exact opposite: The Nymph

"You are a fun flirt and an instant sweetheart, but our guess is you're becoming more selective about long-term love. It's getting tougher for you to become permanently attached; and a guy who's in a different place emotionally might misunderstand your early enthusiasm. You can wreck someone simply by enjoying him.

"Your ideal mate is adventurous and giving, like you. But not overly intense.

"DREAD: The False Messiah

"CONSIDER: The Loverboy, The Playboy, or The Boy Next Door"

So true.

Anyway, something about eharmony made me think it wasn't real. I guess because it wasn't face to face but this weird Internet thing. Reality smacked me hard today. No e-mail from Denny for two days.

Three others ended communication with me last week for various reasons such as the fact that they were pursuing other relationships (one marked "Other" - can you be any more noncommital?). Another put me on hold because he was "pursuing another match but might want to get to know me better if that doesn't work out." Yet another stopped communication today because our Must Haves and Can't Stands were different. That's okay.

The no e-mail thing bothers me, though. Granted, he's a guy and just like any other guy they don't think a thing about not communicating for days. It's just the it went so well for the first few days - e-mails at least once a day, sometimes more.

And he is on eharmony after all so he's obviously seeing other people. He could have very well met a perfect match and is delaying ending communication with me.

All this stress and I've never freaking met the guy! And because I've never met him I feel that I can't send a friendly, "Hey, have you dropped off the face of the earth" e-mail.

But it's just like real life. The first thrill and the waiting and the disappointment.

When my three months run out, though, I'm not renewing.

I found another song for my personal soundtrack but even though it's actually an uplifting Annie Lennox song, it still reminds me of why I'm trying to lift myself which leads me to obsessing over Big and no one wants to hear about that today.

Especially me.

Good news, I'm off Monday and am driving to Dayton to have and actual face to face happy hour with my best friend. Through all of this ickiness I feel right no that does make me smile.

So I'm not hopeless.