Grown Up, You 29 Year Old Loser @ Tuesday, Apr. 13, 2004

So my phone service was turned off yesterday and I can't have it turned back on until Friday because I have exactly $70 dollars in my bank account.

I've always been horrible about paying bills...most of the time it's not because I don't have the money but because I...well, I just forget. For three months.

Everytime I end up shelling out $100 to catch up on a bill I swear that I'm going to have one day a month when I sit down and pay bills. That never happens.

And I spend. Friviously. Madly. I live way outside my means. And I like to give. Par example: spending $50 on cigars for my dad's birthday when I have No Money. I need to have enough money to be as generous as my big heart wants to be. I'm the kind of person who'd give my last five dollars to someone else, with pay day four days away.

It's embarrassing to be so broke and so careless as to have my service shut off. Tim told me this morning that he "tried" to call me last night to see if I was still cranky (I was very cranky yesterday). The boy hasn't called me in months and the one night he does my phone doesn't work. Ah, I wasn't home anyway. I lied and told him I was in an bitter battle with SBC...and I thought about calling them yesterday because I swear I'm not more than a month behind but decided to save myself the embarrassment of learning that time flies when you have no money to spend.

I'm not cranky today, not cranky about having my phone service shut off and I'm not too worried about having no phone or Internet service until Friday. That's not it - I'm embarrassed. I have to grow up and take responsibilty.