Emily's Dilemma @ Wednesday, Jun. 02, 2004

I left Tim a voice mail last night, jus tot let him know I was thinking about him and wondering how his mouth was doing (he had some dental work done last week). As he breezed in a few minutes late to the Wednesday morning meeting he smiled at me, thanked me for the phone call and reached out his fist for me to knock with mine (there�s no other way to describe this strange handshake he often offers). Amber had skipped the meeting so he turned to me as an Amber Substitute, i.e. someone to moan and bitch to.

We talked � or rather I listened and tried to get him to take my advice every ten minutes or so � for about an hour � in the hallway, in the supply room while he gathered phone books and outside at his car.

Everyone is against him, he says. Strike that � the managers are against him. He�s had some customer service complaints and management made him sign a letter saying that he would be terminated if one more complaint call came in. He�s a good salesman � he�s just kind of shady � so it�s not a matter of his numbers. They just want him out of their hair and he doesn�t understand that.

A few weeks ago I heard bits of phone call I shouldn�t have heard. Meredith and Roger were on the phone to HR. The door was closed but Roger�s office was only five steps away from mine and he tended to talk rather loudly�I couldn�t help but hear things. This time, though, I turned down my radio on purpose as they were talking about a rep that they were disappointed in, that they wanted to get rid of. And I�m a bit nosey.

I heard the words, �Tim S-----� and �cocaine� and �nose candy.�

What? I would have never guessed that but it kind of makes sense.

Eric, the Cutie Manager, showed up a few minutes later to do something on the spare computer beside me and I turned around, �You know, sometimes I wish my desk weren�t so close to Roger�s office. I hear a lot of things I shouldn�t.� And then I confessed what I had heard. �Yeah, you did hear a lot,� he said.

Several days later I made Amber pinky swear not to repeat what I was going to tell her and confessed what I had heard. She didn�t believe it � they must have meant someone else. How could they mean someone else when those words were heard so close together? There wasn�t enough time between his name and the other words for them to be talking about anyone else. How they came to suspect him of drugs is beyond me but it�s obvious that they do.

I�ve never said anything to him about it but came close to suggesting that we get together for and old fashioned heart to heart one night this week. Amber says she would never think about telling him � not only because she swore but also because she just doesn�t believe it. I don�t want to upset him, I don�t want him to get defensive and I certainly don�t want what I heard to get back to management. So what do I do? Yeah, he�s shady and maybe he shouldn�t work for us anymore but�.

The subject finally moved away from work as we stood outside. He mentioned that he wants to transfer to Vegas to get away from all of this shit and to help out his health (sinuses, allergies, etc.) � �I hate Columbus,� he said. I nodded and agreed. Then he got on to me about not getting to know Columbus enough. He accused me of going home to Dayton too much and some other silly stuff. I said that I miss my best friend and he said I needed to find some new best friends. Whatever. I moved here and everyone � except for Amber � basically forgot about me. At thirty, it�s a bit hard to find new girlfriends.

He asked if I�d been to Gallery Hop yet. All of the Short North shops stay open late the first Saturday of the month and it�s supposed to be a good time. Deb and I went in December but only for the afternoon. As he was getting into his car he said that he was thinking about going and he�d let me know. That was all in noncommittal gibberish, as usual. Sure, I�d love to hang out with him - just not with Renee, his ex-ehateversheis.

Besides. I�m broke anyway. No need to spend dough I don�t have on booze.

I�m kind of screwed up now. I�m not sure if I should tell him what I know or not. Most of me says no � I�m not supposed to know about it anyway - but the part of me that cares about him thinks he should hear it.

I�ve been thinking about it all day. Argh.

And, by the way, if I mention that I�ve talked to the Boy again, please feel free to shoot me. We talked last night until a friend of his stopped by. He called later but Queer Eye was on so I didn�t answer the phone. I chose television over him which means I must not be too interested. He called again this afternoon and I half listened while playing computer games � ho hum. He said he�d call tonight but was going out for happy hour. Whatever.

I�ve smoked a lot since I got home an hour and half ago�.