Note to Self @ Thursday, Nov. 06, 2003

Note to Self:

Alcohol does not help you solve your problems. Sure, you may forget about whatever is plaguing you but then - when it's all over and you're at home alone with one foot on the floor to keep the room from spinning - your problems - or memories in your case - come back tenfold.

Yeah, I got drunk last night in celebration of the day Big and I met.

I gotta do something. Take a class or something. Meet some people - not even men, but people to just hang out with. Stop laying on the couch at my apartment where there are still memories even though he's never been there. I need to scrub my bathroom floors with his toothbrush (yes, I actually packed it and moved it to the new apartment) and throw away the eraserboard with his "love ya" message. Can't just erase it because the marker didn't work well and the words are practically carved in the board.

It's hard, you know, it was a wonderful and absolutely horrible year. I loved him, love him, whatever. I'm having trouble just 'letting go'...but as long as I don't take anymore of these giant mental steps backwards I know it'll get better.