Another Painful Anniversary @ Monday, May. 17, 2004

Today is an anniversary of sorts....

Exactly a year ago, Big sent me an e-mail, a scathing e-mail with the word "Pain" in the subject line.

He had found my journal here; he had found sushichick.

"Pain. I feel so much fucking pain. Should I call you Emily or Sushichick? These people can�t be one in the same. If it were a personal diary in a book in your dresser I would have respected your privacy. It's on the fucking internet. Some things don�t belong on the internet."

Don't ask me why I have that e-mail saved with the other, happier ones in a folder marked "Love Letters" - I just couldn't bear to delete it. (I do find it vaguely amusing that I'm quoting it here, though. Kind of ironic.)

"I feel like I don't know you....I need some time to think about everything."

I cried and left him a voice mail, begging him not to leave me, which I later learned made him cry as he sat in the bleachers at his son's game.

A week later he came back to Dayton and moved out although he claimed the diary had nothing to do with his decision.

Obviously, a few of you know that this was only the beginning of the end. But there it is. A day I find hard to forget.