My Sexual Ramblings @ Thursday, Apr. 15, 2004

This unsexy feeling is for the freaking birds.

My hair was getting shaggy - I said 'shag' - heh heh - so I had it cut off yeaterday in hopes that I would feel 'girly' and, yeah, it made me feel somewhat better but....I still feel heavy, awkward and unattractive.

I've been cranky almost every day for a week or so and have decided it's probably Lack of Sex. There's just something about that release that is...well, so stress relieving. Tim pulled me aside yesterday to ask why the crankiness which made me more cranky considering the fact that I was on my way downstairs for a smoke but there he was, standing mere millimeters aways from me...I felt like saying, "I need to get laid, Tim - can you help me with that?"

But I shook my head, "I don't know," and slipped by him.

He popped in today and, again, stood so close to me that I had to inhale the cologne man scent of him just a little bit deeper. Hey you, I thought, please rest your hand just there, on the nape of my neck, as you talk to me.

He blew me a kiss on his way out the door a few minutes later and I could still smell him.

What is wrong with me?

My thoughts are disjointed and my mind rambles.

And the Cutie Manager Sex a couple of weeks ago? That wasn't real sex...just a lot of fooling around. And I'm not gonna do it again because even the fooling around is lousy.

I just realized I'm hesitant to talk about my sex life here. Why?

I'm afraid Big will read it and if his marriage were to end it would cause him to look past me.

Funny what you realize when you're rambling.