Snowflake Feelings @ Monday, Dec. 15, 2003

I wish my feelings were durable...less like a snowflake, all delicate and ready to melt at any moment.

It's amazing how a simple sentence, spoken innocently, can bring me down and ruin my day.

My first new year resolution is not to date or "fall into bed" with co-workers. That's nothing but bad news. In fact, I'm done with the Casual Sex, period. I reread Shopgirl by Steve Martin and saw so much of myself in the main character (her name escapes me) that it really made me think. There was a quote, something about not giving her body away so carelesssly since it's directly connected to her heart, that screamed at me. I'll add the quote later because it really hit home.

Anyway, the comment that got me all screwed up was just a casual comment from Tim. I mentioned something about how I was getting to the Christmas party Thursday night and he asked, "Oh, is Jill there?" Jill is getting a deal on a limo. It just reminded me that he'll be there with his girlfriend and - if it's a repeat performance of the last time I saw them together - I'll get to see him hang all over her. Argh.

It just reiterates the fact that I'm alone. NOT THAT I NEED A MAN. I just don't relish seeing someone that I was with, someone that I would have liked to have more with, with someone else.

Oddly enough, the phone just rang and it's...yeah, you guessed it, Tim.