Out of the Loop, Lonely and Such @ Monday, Nov. 03, 2003

Seven after six and it's dark outside already...that's just wrong. This seventy some degree weather, though, is freaking fantastic. Makes me wish we'd just skip winter all together. Well, it could get cold and snow on Christmas but that's about it.

I feel really out of the loop. Tim got demoted today. Some sales from Dayton fell through so he never really had the management postion to begin with. Anyway, she told each of us individually and I saw him slowly moving his stuff from his office to a desk out on the sales floor.

He seemed very small.

I wonder if I should call, you know, and ask how he's doing but I somehow feel like that wouldn't be appropriate or something. I met his woman Saturday night. Well, I never actually met her. He introduced her to everyone that I was standing with but failed to say, "This is Emily." I'd be suspicious of that if I were her. She was all right, though. Not too friendly but she doesn't know any of us...then again she didn't seem very friendly with him either. Amber said she doesn't think she's his girlfriend and that there's some trauma going on there. Trauma? It's only been about a month!

I miss being the one he'd call up to bullshit with, though. Especially if his day sucked. I'm all full of nostagia today. Amber's fault for bringing up Big twice. Once kind of out of the blue by saying that she wishes she could erase him from memory. I agreed but said that I'd like to keep the memories up until he told me he was seperated not divorced and maybe a few after that. Then "Heart of the Matter" came on the radio while we were in the office and she pointed out that the song really reminded her of us.

Weird.

On Wednesday it'll have been exactly a year since I sat down on a bar stool next to him and introduced myself - completely innocent and buzzed from a few margaritas. What a fantasic night. Just good fun. Today I almost wore the shirt that I bought that day - I went straight from work to drinks with Jen and then dinner with Deb so I bought a new shirt and a pair of jeans after work (I was working an hour away and thought I'd get to go home first) - but I took it off. I've been thinking about making the jeans - cheap ass jeans - into a skirt as they have a huge hole in the knee. Thought I might do that tonight.

Since there's so much of tonight left but it's dark and I have nothing planned. And my sewing machine is already out.

Saturday was fun. Mellow but fun. I unsuccessfully tried to tempt Joe into sleeping with me since we've both been without sex for some time and are both a bit depressed about it. If I hadn't had a few beers I never would have asked. He's not that kind of guy and I knew it. But he did burn several cds for me as we sat at his place post party and he gave me a nice, tight hug when I got ready to leave.

I really need a man in my life. It's something unescapable inside me.