Car Troubles, People Troubles, Mother Troubles @ Sunday, Feb. 22, 2004

My mother has, once again, reduced me to tears.

And our conversation lasted a mere minute. "I'm not going to make to visit you guys today because I didn't make it Dayton last night," I said after we exchanged hellohowareyous.

"Oh, I didn't even know you were coming."

"I told you last week that I had that party to go to Saturday night and I was going to stop by?"

"Well, I forgot."

I laughed a little, "Gee, thanks."

"I haven't felt very good, Emily. I was taking some time to take care of myself."

I paused again. I am nothing but good to my parents. I call at least a couple times a week - they never call me unless I'm sick or have gashed open my finger. They never just call to say hello. I'd like that more than a call when there's something wrong. I make very effort to visit them when I'm either already in town or just to meet for lunch or whatever. I stopped to pick up a cup of my mom's favorite coffee when I was in town last week and dropped by her office, for Pete's sake. I could see her saying that to my brother - their relationship with him is a little different.

"You know what?" I said, anger and hurt bubbling to the surface, "I'm hanging up the phone now."

"Bye."

And that was it.

Do you want to know why I didn't make it Dayton last night? My rear brakes went out. Completely seized up. My back tire blew. On a scary part of High Street as I was driving to the brake repair place.

I had to call a tow truck and leave my car at the repair shop because they're not open on Sundays and I made it there fifteen minutes before they closed. And that's not the worst of it.

I pulled into the Kroger parking lot to change my tire and a guy came running across the street calling out, "Wait a minute, sister, help is on it's way."

I'm a very trusting person and I can change my own tire but help was welcome. When the man got to my car he took one look at me and said, "Damn, you're beautiful!" Great, I'm a single girl in a not so good neighborhood...oh no.

Just then a truck pulled up and huge, hairy guy asked if I was okay. I nodded but he got out of the car anyway. To my great relief he was wearing robes - he was the bishop at a local church. He pointed out that I didn't need my tire changed -I needed a tow truck - that tire wasn't going anywhere. He was right.

Then he asked the first guy if we knew one another. The first guy didn't think it mattered that we were strangers and the argument started. "My people are at war with your people," he finally said to the bishop. I mouthed, "Please stay," and got into my car to call a tow truck. All of the guys who I work with, who might have been able to help me, were having a poker party but I called anyway and got the numbers for some tow truck places. It took three tries and somewhere between the second and the third, the first guy left. I told the woman on the phone to hurry because I was a little scared. She said they would be there in thirty to forty five minutes - the quicker the better.

By this time I knew I wouldn't get my car back today. I'd be lucky to get my car to the shop before they closed. So I started trying to find someone to drive me from the shop to my apartment. It's times like these where you find out who your true friends are.

Nothing.

So I called Tim. You would have thought I was asking for his first born but he agreed. I do so much for that man and when I ask for one small favor what do I get? Belligerence. He made me feel like I should have walked the seven miles home in the cold and I really thought about it before I called to tell him that I was at the repair shop and where it was located.

So I have no car. Worst case scenario it's going to cost me $500 - $600 which I don't have. I wanted to get my brakes done after I got my tax return (hopefully this week) but my brakes couldn't wait. So, yes, I was calling to tell my parents that I needed to borrow money until I got my check and I feel guilty for it but how was I supposed to know that she's been sick? I'm 98% independent but, yes, sometimes I need help but they've never paid my rent for several months in a row as they have for my brother.

I should call her back and apologize but how can I do that? I feel like I was shitty but, dammit, don't take things out on the good daughter. She reminds me so much of her mother - whom both of us can't stand - when she does this. It's like a couple of weeks ago when I was over and we were going to scan in a photo of me to post on eharmony. We found one good picture but she mentioned that she thought I looked a little masculine. What?! I was wearing a brown corduroy jacket over a v-necked shirt. I got upset and she didn't get it. "Don't tell me that the photo I'm putting online for potential matches to see - potential matches who don't know me - is masculine!" She doesn't take my feelings into consideration. Sure, I've been through a fuck lot of shit recently but that doesn't mean I'm invincible.

So I need to ask for money. I feel like a bitch but I'm hurt, too.

I don't know what to do.