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And the Room Smells of Eucalyptus @ Monday, Jan. 05, 2004
��and I start to compile in my head a compilation tape for her, something that�s full of stuff she�s heard of, and full of stuff she�d play. Tonight, for the first time ever, I can see how that�s done.� - Nick Hornsby, High Fidelity So I am making a mixed tape for me and only me. I thought of it when I heard this song for the first time in years. When I remembered how good simple songs can be and how they can cleanse your soul an remind you of the way things should be. Only the way you can make them.
Annie said she wanted a drink, which I normally wouldn�t have jumped on except I hadn�t been out since Wednesday and that didn�t really count seeing as how I went to a party at someone�s house. �How long are you going to be?� I asked, since it was almost five. �Not long,� she replied, so I suggested we go to BW3�s � just far enough away to be a few miles closer to home but far enough away to be okay with leaving at five-thirty-ish to beat the traffic.
We were seated and warm by about that time and hadn�t really talked for weeks so the conversation came easily. We talked of her marriage problems, my relationship � or lack thereof � problems, my recent miscarriage and several things that were not quite so depressing. Beer two became beer three and I realized just how lucky I am.
I am so fortunate to have what I have. I have a family who loves me, who would jump to help me in my time of need and I have friends who are there for me in ways that my family cannot. When �American Girl� by Tom Petty came on, I called just to tell Debbie that our song was on and that I was thinking about her. We arranged to have happy hour one night this week � i.e. beer and cigarettes over the phone, as I am an hour away. And it felt good to have a friend, someone that loves me unconditionally, to whom I could call to say just that. That I was thinking about her.
My friends and family lift me up in a way that a lover could not. A lover can leave � as I have demonstrated � but family and true friends are always there. There to tell me things will be better, to tell me how I�ll get through whatever I�m going through. And, in Annie�s case, to tell me how good I am at getting through what I�m going through.
And I will get through this depression, through this loneliness. It won�t be because some man has made it easier � it�ll be because I�ve had my family and friends and myself to make it through.
So I make a promise to myself - not to neglect me and who I am but to remember what made me happy, to take care of myself�and I will mark this entry so I�ll never forget.
So here it is...song one in the compilation tape that is Me.
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