Now I Need a Mental Kick in the Ass @ Saturday, Nov. 29, 2003

Last week I spent Saturday morning in bed wondering why in the hell I slept with one of my managers. This morning I was overwhelmed with thoughts of, "I make no money and am missing so much in my life," which then lead to "I miss Big." That has nothing to do with the money part, I just miss him and the plans we had. To think that there was a moment in my life where my future was safe. I loved someone and was loved tenfold in return.

I wonder where he is and how he's doing and wish I could see him again. I can't even remember the last time we were in the same room together and I know that realistically it's for the better but...I miss him.

On another note, New Guy called today. We have long, funny conversations that end in plans to do nothing. It's weird to talk on the phone so animatedly with someone that you haven't seen in almost a month...and that someone only lives twenty minutes away. Obviously the attraction is not there for either of us or there'd be some sort of effort. Maybe if we see each other again there will be those muted sparks...if not, oh well. It'd just be nice to have guy to do something with.

All week I've said I would clean today...didn't happen. But I did manage to take a three hour nap with Mina on my lap, pick a prescription and go grocery shopping (crab cakes, yum). And I put my tree up yesterday - a lame attempt to get in the Christmas Spirit. Deb's coming this weekend so that's the kick in the ass I need to get this place back into order. Tomorrow - so I'm not running to get it done this week. I won't get up and turn the television on. I swear.

Anyway, I'm going to make myself at least get a few things done this evening before I search for a crappy cable movie. So wish my DVD player worked this weekend....