A St. Patrick's Day Baby Step @ Wednesday, Mar. 17, 2004

Woo-hoo! Happy Reason to Get Sloppy Drunk Day, I mean, happy St. Patrick's Day!

Lots to do in the next two hours before I hit the road.

Received an e-mail from Paul today. He's going to some black tie St. Patrick's Day event which is odd and, even after all these years, made me wonder is your wife going to be there?

I managed to get through yesterday without recalling the same day last year, when Big and I met all of my friends at the Pub for a little post Patrick's celebration. Most of them had not met him yet and I'll never forget Lisa's reaction: she shook his hand and said, "My God, you're beautiful." And he really was. And the bartender who was always trying to bed me - and did once, years earlier - kept giving him a hard time when he would order drinks - he was jealous because he'd seen me with this one man at the bar more than a half dozen times. I remember what I wore, how warm and sunny it was and how proud I was to be there with him, to see him across the bar, socializing, to feel my chest swell knowing that he was mine. For the time, that is.

Of course, I woke up to that memory this morning. But, even though I thought of him several times yesterday as I always do, I forgot to recall that specific night and feel that it's a step toward forgetting him enough to be comfortable with myself again.

My aunt called last night and I laughed when I saw her name on the caller ID. Part of me wanted to pick up the phone and say, "Don't ever call here again, you cunt," or to merely pick up the phone to hang up on her but I ignored it instead. She left a message saying that she hadn't talked to my in awhile and wanted to catch up, left her number...I deleted the message and will never call her. It's my goal to speak less that a dozen words to her before she or I die.

Yes, I hate her that much.

Must pack, pick up an inhaler at Target (haven't been able to breathe well for the pat few days - I'm allergic to my cats but refuse to get rid of them), and hit the road because our party starts at two!